my daughter told me she loves me this morning.

my most precious person told me she loves me this morning. she woke up crying and fussing this morning so I sent her to grandma’s room while I finished getting ready. as I was walking to the door I heard her crying. so I went into grandma’s room to kiss her and tell her I loved her. she didn’t want me to leave this morning. she is laying in the bed writhing and crying. I lean down over her to smooch her up and she throws her arms around my neck and lets me kiss her. I tell her repeatedly, “I love you booba, I love you. don’t cry, I love you” and she is squeezing my neck and holding me, little tears streaming down her beautiful cheeks and then she said it. more than once. she said, in the midst of sobs, “I love you, mama, I love you.” my mom says, “did you hear her? she said I love you.” and I gave her a bunch more kisses and told her I loved her again and then she said it again. as I pulled away from her, she cried even harder. I wish I could have stayed home so I could hear her tell me she loves me all day long. my baby girl is learning to talk and everyday she says more and more things. at night, I sing her the ABCs as her lullaby and she’ll sing with me until she knocks out. she doesn’t know the entire alphabet yet but every night she says it clearer and clearer. she knows where to find her apps on my phone. I just give it her and she unlocks it and goes to town. thank you Father God for sending me my angel. she’s such a blessing and such a gift. thank you for deeming me worthy to be her mother. I miss her all day during work. I rush home to be with her. who needs nights out on the town? who needs weekends away? I have my baby and being with her is like a permanent vacation. love her so much.





Monday Monday

got up and out the door somewhat on time. I’ll probably get behind my desk at 5 after. shit happens. still, I’m cool with that. I didn’t fall asleep until 1am. didn’t post yesterday but I was super busy so I forgive myself. got all my laundry done and rearranged my bedroom to create a okay corner for my angel and her new toys. gotta give away her old toys to make room for new ones. I get my first paycheck this week and I plan on going to the toys store and getting her some new things. I started this job right before Christmas and with the lag in pay it’s only now that I’m able to buy her presents. luckily she is still too young to know and besides, the littlest things make her happy so I will be looking forward to getting her some cool new toys to set up in her space. check out the pics below.











autism is a concern of mine….

my darling daughter does some weird things sometimes and she’s been doing one in particular for quite some time. what she does is known as “self-punishment” and what she does specifically is bite her hand. she’s been doing this since her teeth first started coming in and i chalked it up to her teething but she’s 2 years old now and is definitely not in the teething phase anymore, at least not in the front teeth (molars are still coming in). there were other things she used to do that she has stopped doing like banging her head against things. she normally would do these things when angry or scolded. the head banging used to really concern me and my mom who is her primary caregiver when i work. she would tell me, “she hit herself really hard today on the high chair when i was feeding her and i’m worried if she keeps it up she’ll get brain damage.” she would go on to say that i never did that when i was a baby and that she must’ve got that from her dad’s side of the family. he was a bit of a rambunctious kid growing up and really ran his mother ragged but she and i are not on speaking terms (my choice-not hers) so it isn’t as if i could ask her about his baby-hood to get an idea of what to expect from my baby girl. i’ve been researching traits of autism in 2 year old children and some sites list what she does as traits and others don’t. this makes it rather confusing. i read that sometimes, when the mother has XYZ problems during pregnancy that this may result in autism in the child and i suffered UTI’s my entire pregnancy- a common occurrence in most women- but i was taking antibiotics the entire pregnancy almost to the very end and one site said the use of antibiotics during pregancy can cause this in the child. i also read on one site that autism is inherited and one of my nephews has low-level autism and my older brother may have asperger’s. all of these things and the behavior she exhibits makes me worry like a mofo! everything i’ve read tells me to have her evaluated as soon as possible and to not take “She’ll grow out of it,” as an answer from the doc. apparently, this is a knee jerk response most docs give and as a parent, i’m not to accept it and demand thorough testing. in any event, i’m super concerned and since i just started this new job, my insurance has yet to kick in. as soon as it does, my first order of business is to have her evaluated. in the meantime, if anyone out there happens across this posting and has any information they would like to share with me, please feel free to comment and i will greatly appreciate your responses. if you happen to be a parent of a child or toddler who has been diagnosed with autism, please tell me what were the traits your child exhibited and what prompted you to have them evaluated. since autism has different levels of severity, every child is different. my nephew for instance, is a great kid with an awesome personality and who at first glance doesn’t appear to have anything wrong with him but when you spend a great deal of time with him, you’ll notice little things like, he’s constantly moving his fingers, and he has difficulty in social situations, etc. he’s an awesome kid but these small impediments affect him in school and at home and do make his life quite difficult at times. he’s on medication and that seems to help but what really helps him is a lot love and attention. my daughter gets a lot of love and attention from everyone in her life. in fact, when two of my closest female friends come over, she thinks they’re there to see her and not me. she even has a pet name for one of them! it’s really cute! she’s a bright little girl and everyday her language skills develop more and more. she’s artistic too, loves her crayons and paper. she is smart, and loves the flash card apps i have on my phone and she recognizes the pics and says what they are if she happens to know the word. she knows her animal sounds and all that stuff too. maybe i’m over reacting and maybe she is fine but the thought of letting something go unchecked like this, and having it turn out to be true is something i could not let happen. i’m her mama and i’ve gotta be on top of things. so any help the wordpress community can give me would be welcomed and greatly appreciated! thanks all! 

gotta love the NYPD

since I work in law enforcement and would like to move up to become an FBI agent or some other hotness, I should probably refrain from slamming on other law enforcement personnel HOWEVER this can not be ignored.

cops are always rushing around to nothing, using their lights and sirens to burn through lights, and harassing people for no reason other than they are on a power trip!

well this cops was probably out doing one or all of the things mentioned above and this is what he wound up doing to his car:



good job copper! now us tax payers will have to foot the bill on the repairs to the cop car you totaled! you rock! NOT!!!