I have a dilemma

I love my job. I love the people I work for and with. if it were up to me, I’d stay there forever BUT I have just been presented with an opportunity that is too good to refuse. I had an interview for a job with the government. I currently work in the private sector and while it’s a great job, nothing beats working in the public sector. government jobs are hard to come by and they are the type of jobs that people keep forever. they come with great benefits and retirement plans. the starting pay is 10k more per year than what I make now. with that said, what would you do? if you we’re caught in between a decision like this, what would you do? I feel like that song, “should I stay or should I go now?” I don’t know. my heart is torn because I love my job and bosses and when I really needed help, they were there for me. problem is, I make about 33k per year here and if I take this government job, I’ll be well into the 40s. the money alone makes me lean towards the government job. what ever will I do?

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dodging bullets

should I get this serious here?
yeah, eff it, I will.

real talk: do you know your HIV status?

these days, there’s no excuse not to. it takes thirty minutes for your results to come back and it’s free. you can do it at any emergency room throughout the city (and I imagine beyond), any clinic, or your doctor’s office. not knowing your status because testing isn’t available to you is no longer a valid excuse and it hasn’t been one for a very long time. it doesn’t matter if you’ve had many partners or a few, used protection all the time or never, or maybe were only careless a few times, go find out your status. if you’re scared of the results, think how much scarier it is to live with the fear of not knowing. isn’t it better to just know? there’s a sense of relief in knowing.

proudly, I know my status. I’m HIV negative and I’d like to keep it that way. I go yearly to get checked and more often if I feel a bit paranoid. yes, I admit, it is something I obsess over. I was a wild one, lost one, for a long time and in many ways still am (although motherhood definitely tamed me). I remember when I was younger, the results took two weeks to come back. that was two weeks of hell. that was nightmares and anxiety and then D-day would come and I’d go get my results and take huge deep sigh of relief and thank heaven for letting me dodge another bullet that time. and it wasn’t that I was completely careless or anything like that. I’m just an obsessive person when it comes to certain things and that’s just always been one of them. I think it’s MTVs The Real World’s fault. I was only like 14, not even having sex yet but soon to try it, when they had that season with Puck and Pedro. that might even have been their first season. Pedro had AIDS and that show really affected me. up until then, as exposed to life as I was, this disease hadn’t been really fed to me the way it was on that show. I lost my virginity later that same year so my brain has somehow pinned these two experiences together and voilà: anxiety ridden obsession! so there you have it. for me knowing my status is a compulsion. it’s like the junkie looking for that next fix. I crave that sigh of relief when I get back negative results. not so much because I’ve been careless but because that shit is like the lotto, but not in a good way. you never know.

HIV is nothing to be careless about. speak to anyone who has it and they’ll all say the same.

so if you don’t know, or maybe it’s been a while since you last checked, and maybe you added a few notches to your bedpost since then, maybe stopped using protection with your ex and God only knows what they were up to when you weren’t looking; go find out.

no excuses.
Godspeed.

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(these are not actually my results. they’re my partner’s results from earlier this month. I was tested not long ago too but didn’t have a pic of those results to post so I posted his.)

I had the most amazing night!!!! I love Mike Doughty!!!!

last night the love of my life and I went to see the magnificent Mike Doughty. I completely lost my mind!!! he played every one of my favorite songs!!! I was dancing my ass off and singing along. my face still hurts from smiling so hard. at the end of the show I got to meet him. I asked if I could hug him and Mike said yes and hugged me back!!!! I asked him to sign my book and write something in my journal and he did!!!! I told him I loved him and that if he ever feels down to just remember how much he is loved!!! he thanked me for being his fan and coming to his show. I could die right now!!!

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I’m soooo happy and blessed

so I was on the hunt for a nice winter coat for Melody in the last month and found a website called altrec.com in which they have phenomenal deals. well, the coat I originally bought from there was too small so I have to send it back. in the meantime, I waited until today to buy her a bigger one. I also wanted to buy my brother a coat so I decided today would be the day to kill both those birds with one stone.

THANK GOD FOR BLACK FRIDAY!!!!

I managed to buy 3 winter coats for what I would’ve paid for one just a few weeks back. I got my bro his coat, and Melody a coat for now and one for when she outgrows it!!!!! yay!!!! they’ll be here Wednesday and now my bro will be warm and so will my booba!!!!

so happy!!!!

if you need winter gear, go to altrec.com but don’t order via the website, call them and put extension 253 in. that will connect you to Jason Torrence, like The Shining!!! he’ll take blessed care of you!!!! he did for me!!!! now to ship my return back!!!! lol