so yeah, i’ve never “come out” of the “closet”…..*GASP* FOR SHAME!
i guess i’ve peeked out from time to time but i’ve never come out completely. you see, i’m not one to hide my sexuality from friends, co-workers, bosses, etc. I’m out, sort of. I have protested for gay rights, gone to pride every year since forever, and i post about gay heroes of mine, so it isn’t as though i’m hiding in shame somewhere deep in a dark closet. besides, my closet has a rainbow disco ball and strobe lights and it plays the Beegees and Michael Jackson full blast.
regardless of that, i am, closeted.
i’m closeted for a pretty common reason: my family.
you see, i come from a very old school family. my mom is uber religious and i think if she received confirmation from me of my orientation, she would literally drop dead at my feet. she’s old. almost 70, and i’d like to keep her around a while longer so i will not be coming out of my closet while she is alive and ticking.
for some of my gay people, this is not right! they came out and many suffered as a result and feel that i should bite the bullet and do the damn thing. while i am totally impressed by them and applaude them and cheer them on, i will not come out of my closet! not now at least!
you see, i love my mom. i love her with all of my heart. i know it would hurt her and i won’t do anything to hurt her. i know she would suffer and feel like she failed me and that i’m on my way to burn in hell. i know i know i know! this is crazy talk but this is what it is. she’s religious and couldn’t accept having a gay daughter. i think she would cry herself to sleep every night remaining in her life. she would suffer and i would be the cause of that suffering, and i’ll be damned if i cause one tear to fall from her eyes.
moreover, i’m perfectly happy in my closet. you see, i’m one of those people you can’t tell from looking at, that i swing both ways. i mean, it isn’t as though we walk around with a sign or anything but you can tell who is who. call it gaydar, call it what you will. us gay folks recognize one another. despite that, i always get the “OMG! I didn’t know you were gay,” face whenever i mention having had a girlfriend before to someone who didn’t know. in fact, i’ve had my share of girlfriends and hook ups with women in my life, and i see it happening in the future as well.
i am bisexual! that is a fact!
now, i’ve been in situations where women have dissed me because i’m in the closet. i’ve also been dissed by women for being bisexual. to these women i say this:
am i any less gay for being closeted? or for being bisexual???
i don’t think so. i think i’m just as gay as the next lesbian and i am really appalled at being discriminated against by my peers just because i happen to be closeted and still like dudes! wtf!
it’s funny really that people in our world still draw lines in the sand to separate themselves from others in our world. for instance, I used to get really mad about the posts in the “women for women section” on craigslist. I would read posts in which a lesbian would gripe over FTM people posting in women for women or they would bitch and moan over transgendered (male by birth) people posting in women for women. it would anger me because these people they were complaining about were either born women or identify themselves as women and should be accepted. these people are LGBTQ and however many other letters you wanna add there, and they belong there. the other thing that would piss me off was lesbians ending their personal ad with “no bisexuals.” WTF!!!! that shit ain’t right!!!
so we, as a community, discriminate against each other, and then get up at arms when we feel discriminated against.
I’ll never understand it.
being bisexual doesn’t mean that I can’t decide who I like more. it doesn’t mean I’m confused, or promiscuous, or can’t be faithful. it means that I am attracted to people of both sexes. so yesterday I had a girlfriend. today I have a boyfriend. tomorrow I may be with a tranny. who knows!!!??? who cares!!!??? I sure don’t. I care about the person. it doesn’t matter their gender or even what they identify themselves as. it’s the person who matters to me. shit, they don’t even have to be good looking. personally, I tend to lean more towards funny looking people. I don’t want the GQ model, I want the dork* that edits the magazine or takes the pictures that go in it.
so yeah, I’m a closeted bisexual woman who is perfectly happy in my rainbow closet. I invite you to come inside and see what it’s like in here. I have an open bar! the drinks are free! I have a buffet too. tons of food. there’s clothes in here too and you’re welcome to it. clothing is optional though, so feel free to strip down and let it all hang out. and I don’t care if you’re a gay or straight male or a lesbian or a tranny or whatever. come one, come all. there’s a party going on in here!!!! and plenty of entertainment!
just don’t ask me to come out of my closet. there’s too much going on in my closet for me to come out. I like it in here. incognito and bugging people out. I’m a genuinely satisfied person in my life. I have so much to be grateful for and happy about. why upset the balance of things? you should come visit some time.
in closing, props to those of you who are out! but don’t knock those of us who aren’t. we have our reasons and while you may not find them valid, they are valid to us and being closeted or bisexual or both doesn’t make us any less gay than you are.
we preach acceptance but discriminate against one another,…….
sounds like another group I know……