fuk u iTunes!!!

so I get to work today with an iPhone full of music! gooooooood music! I was actually jamming out so hard to The Black Keys that I could have punched a puppy in the face and not felt bad because they are that goooooood. I leave work and am listening to them on my way to the bus when all of the sudden my music stops. no biggie, I thought. maybe I’d just reached the end of the playlist and needed to restart it so I could go back to punching puppies, I mean jamming out to The Black Keys. I pull my phone out of my pocket, open up the iPod app, go to the artists list and my list that is usually about five miles long had only about 4 artists in it. I check albums and there is next to nothing there. I check the songs list thinking I’m losing my mind. ONLY TWELVE SONGS!!!! what the fuck!!!!!! after hyperventilating for a spell I decide that I can cope until I get back to work tomorrow and reload the music since I only ever do so via my work computer as of late. in the meantime I figure I’ll access my missing purchased music via my iTunes account app. I open it, go to purchased and what do I see???? the god damned loading wheel spinning like a top but not loading my purchased list. who do I have to murder to get my music back????? I’m sitting on a long as bus ride home right now because the train system has been shut down due to hurricane sandy and my 20-30 minute trip home has become an hour and a half via the bus. this wouldn’t be so bad if I had all my music! I hate the bus and being in public places without my music. I’m a generally happy person but mass transit without an ample supply of music makes me want to assassinate people. my inner insane person gets loose from its restraints and starts plotting mass murder. music is the only thing that calms this savage beast. 12 songs is not enough music to last an hour and a half. I’m going to lose my mind!!!!! thank you iTunes and apple and my stupid ass iPhone for ruining my ride home with your glitchy ass bullshit. and I don’t wanna hear about how hurricane sandy is to blame for this malfunction!!! I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with this bullshit ass hurricane! I survived worse! this was a cake walk! give me back my god damned music or check the front page for the headlines tomorrow: “commuter goes crazy and murders riders on the Bx17 bus during rush hour-blames lack of music for the mental break”


we stood

we stood
beneath polluted stars
a bronxite and her pair
sweet and juicy
palate cleansing

we stood and earth stood with us
waiting for our next big move
inviting us to break the spell
yet willing us to stay enchanted

we were
as though we were alone
no cars drove by with shining lights
no people stopping
looking for parking

we were

as alone as two could be
standing together
within the hustling bustling city

autumnal chill no match to our heat
the burn felt beneath
the clothed and anxious bodies

too much light to see the stars but we still wished upon them

we were
and still are

we did not happen

when I started this blog…

I didn’t think anyone would read it but me. then little by little, people stumbled across it and started following it. some will read and “like” and others will comment. I just want to say thanks to you that visit, “like” and comment. I may not know you from a hole in a wall but I appreciate you coming here. I’ve found myself visiting your blogs and thinking, “wow, we’re so much alike,” and it feels good. I know I’m not so weird or strange because of your blogs. I feel a little more connected to the universe as a result. your blogs are good so please keep writing. you’re all so different! and yet, we’re all the same. so thanks all! just had to throw a little gratitude your way because I appreciate you and am grateful. thanks!

Studio Brow

By Gunner Glam

When sitting down on a a Sunday night this Halloween season, what better than to see characters running and killing the undead?

The best show for this? On Walking Dead Season Three, which began Sunday, October 14.

The main returning cast of the series includes:

Andrew Lincoln portrays the series’ protagonist Rick Grimes, a former deputy sheriff from King County, Georgia, who has established himself as the group’s leader.

Sarah Wayne Callies portrays Lori Grimes, Rick’s wife and Carl’s mother.

Chandler Riggs portrays Carl Grimes, Rick and Lori’s young son.

Laurie Holden portrays Andrea, a former successful civil rights attorney, who was separated from the group at the end of the second season.

Norman Reedus portrays Daryl Dixon, an antihero-like Southern gent who’s also the group’s primary hunter.

Steven Yeun portrays Glenn, a former pizza delivery boy.

Scott Wilson portrays Hersel Greene, a former farm owner who…

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greetings from inside the rainbow closet..,

so yeah, i’ve never “come out” of the “closet”…..*GASP* FOR SHAME!

i guess i’ve peeked out from time to time but i’ve never come out completely. you see, i’m not one to hide my sexuality from friends, co-workers, bosses, etc. I’m out, sort of. I have protested for gay rights, gone to pride every year since forever, and i post about gay heroes of mine, so it isn’t as though i’m hiding in shame somewhere deep in a dark closet. besides, my closet has a rainbow disco ball and strobe lights and it plays the Beegees and Michael Jackson full blast.

regardless of that, i am, closeted.


i’m closeted for a pretty common reason: my family.

you see, i come from a very old school family. my mom is uber religious and i think if she received confirmation from me of my orientation, she would literally drop dead at my feet. she’s old. almost 70, and i’d like to keep her around a while longer so i will not be coming out of my closet while she is alive and ticking.

for some of my gay people, this is not right! they came out and many suffered as a result and feel that i should bite the bullet and do the damn thing. while i am totally impressed by them and applaude them and cheer them on, i will not come out of my closet! not now at least!

you see, i love my mom. i love her with all of my heart. i know it would hurt her and i won’t do anything to hurt her. i know she would suffer and feel like she failed me and that i’m on my way to burn in hell. i know i know i know! this is crazy talk but this is what it is. she’s religious and couldn’t accept having a gay daughter. i think she would cry herself to sleep every night remaining in her life. she would suffer and i would be the cause of that suffering, and i’ll be damned if i cause one tear to fall from her eyes.

moreover, i’m perfectly happy in my closet. you see, i’m one of those people you can’t tell from looking at, that i swing both ways. i mean, it isn’t as though we walk around with a sign or anything but you can tell who is who. call it gaydar, call it what you will. us gay folks recognize one another. despite that, i always get the “OMG! I didn’t know you were gay,” face whenever i mention having had a girlfriend before to someone who didn’t know. in fact, i’ve had my share of girlfriends and hook ups with women in my life, and i see it happening in the future as well.

i am bisexual! that is a fact!

now, i’ve been in situations where women have dissed me because i’m in the closet. i’ve also been dissed by women for being bisexual. to these women i say this:

am i any less gay for being closeted? or for being bisexual???

i don’t think so. i think i’m just as gay as the next lesbian and i am really appalled at being discriminated against by my peers just because i happen to be closeted and still like dudes! wtf!

it’s funny really that people in our world still draw lines in the sand to separate themselves from others in our world. for instance, I used to get really mad about the posts in the “women for women section” on craigslist. I would read posts in which a lesbian would gripe over FTM people posting in women for women or they would bitch and moan over transgendered (male by birth) people posting in women for women. it would anger me because these people they were complaining about were either born women or identify themselves as women and should be accepted. these people are LGBTQ and however many other letters you wanna add there, and they belong there. the other thing that would piss me off was lesbians ending their personal ad with “no bisexuals.” WTF!!!! that shit ain’t right!!!

so we, as a community, discriminate against each other, and then get up at arms when we feel discriminated against.

I’ll never understand it.

being bisexual doesn’t mean that I can’t decide who I like more. it doesn’t mean I’m confused, or promiscuous, or can’t be faithful. it means that I am attracted to people of both sexes. so yesterday I had a girlfriend. today I have a boyfriend. tomorrow I may be with a tranny. who knows!!!??? who cares!!!??? I sure don’t. I care about the person. it doesn’t matter their gender or even what they identify themselves as. it’s the person who matters to me. shit, they don’t even have to be good looking. personally, I tend to lean more towards funny looking people. I don’t want the GQ model, I want the dork* that edits the magazine or takes the pictures that go in it.

so yeah, I’m a closeted bisexual woman who is perfectly happy in my rainbow closet. I invite you to come inside and see what it’s like in here. I have an open bar! the drinks are free! I have a buffet too. tons of food. there’s clothes in here too and you’re welcome to it. clothing is optional though, so feel free to strip down and let it all hang out. and I don’t care if you’re a gay or straight male or a lesbian or a tranny or whatever. come one, come all. there’s a party going on in here!!!! and plenty of entertainment!

just don’t ask me to come out of my closet. there’s too much going on in my closet for me to come out. I like it in here. incognito and bugging people out. I’m a genuinely satisfied person in my life. I have so much to be grateful for and happy about. why upset the balance of things? you should come visit some time.

in closing, props to those of you who are out! but don’t knock those of us who aren’t. we have our reasons and while you may not find them valid, they are valid to us and being closeted or bisexual or both doesn’t make us any less gay than you are.

we preach acceptance but discriminate against one another,…….

sounds like another group I know……

bacon makes everything better

yesterday I went to the apple store to get help with my phone. I got the help I needed but on my way to the store, I saw a sign that killed me. it reminded me of when J and I went on about a 30 minute rant about how you could “pimp” anything by adding shrimp to it. and by anything, I mean anything! got an old out of style jacket? pimp it with shrimp! got a beat up pair of kicks? pimp it with shrimp! you get the idea! so I had to take a pic of this sign to share because honestly, no truer statement has ever been made!!!!


escalator etiquette

ok, pet peeve time.

I don’t know if it is like this everywhere but wherever I go, if there is an escalator, I’ve noticed there is something I like to call “Escalator Etiquette.”

let me break this down for you:

when people board the escalator, they form two lines. the right line stands on the escalator and rides it up like a ride in an amusement park. these people are obviously not in any kind of rush, so they courteously move as far right as possible to allow people like myself, who are always rushing, to walk up the left side of the escalator. this seems to work and everyone seems to know this. no memo was ever sent out but it is how it is everywhere I go.


when this happens, I hear Ludacris’s song “Move Bitch, Get Out The Way” start in my head and my inner assassin starts doing back flips while sharpening its sword! omg! I seriously would like to crack open these people’s skulls and check to see if they have a whole brain or only half of one. they can’t have a whole brain because we humans are just animals and deep down we have herd mentality. even if you’ve never been on an escalator before, when you see that all of the other people on it are riding it a certain way, you’ll more than likely follow their lead, no? why God? why do these people exist!!! is it just to aggravate me???? I swear!!!!

so I get to Parkchester train station to catch my train to work, swipe and walk over to the escalator. the lady in front of me boards the escalator and instead of moving to the right decides she’s gonna park her big ass to left with no one in front of her blocking her way up. she was the blockage!

inside a little teeny tiny voice said “be nice” but a louder stronger voice said “murder her!”

I did neither.

what I did was this.

loudly, in her ear I said, “STAND TO THE RIGHT! WALK UP TO THE LEFT!!”

she turned her head to look at me as if I had five heads while I pushed my way between her rude ass and a polite escalator rider and barreled my way up the escalator.

I hope me yelling at her the rules of escalator etiquette will stick inside her pea sized brain and that the next time her lazy behind gets on an escalator , she will politely stand to the right so speed demons such as myself, can walk up the left. if she doesn’t, I hope that there is someone far worse than me standing behind her to make her learn the rules!!!!

this really gets under my skin so if you ever buy the post and find that the cover story is about a subway rider who murdered another subway rider over “Escalator Etiquette,” well, don’t be surprised if the person who did the killing is me.

so remember, unless you want an insane person like me to either shout in your ear or drag you off the escalator by your hair, practice “Escalator Etiquette.”

rant over!